Chinese Whispers
Before we arrived just over 4 weeks ago, it appeared that the host and hostess (landlord and landlady) were spending so much time at the house that they had all but moved in. After our arrival though, days turned into weeks, and we hadn’t seen them at all. Until last week.
We have satellite television. I have no idea what channels there are, I didn’t watch television in England and I have no intention of starting to watch it now, but I know it isn’t Sky – we get some BBC World thing, and that’s about it. But – most important of all – the satellite does mean (somehow) we can get English football. Actually, football is very popular here; Premier League matches frequently appear on normal Chinese television. S has started a 5-a-side league for people at work – apparently, they’re incredibly keen, but as most of them are not particularly tall, heading the ball is traditionally not part of the game. Therefore, anyone over 6 feet tall (that’s just S and the Test Manager from Seattle) can just stand there and head the ball over the surprised defenders into the goal. Anyway, I digress. And so, when the satellite TV stopped working last Tuesday, I had to get in touch with the landlord. I say that, but of course communicating with people who don’t speak English is difficult enough, but on the phone it’s just about impossible – even more so when it’s someone you’ve never even met. So, I showed the satellite TV card to the Ayi, told her it was kwayler (broken), and showed her the Landlord’s name on the Lease agreement while pretending to hold a telephone. Simple.
The next day, Wednesday, the Host appeared. Apparently, satellite TV here is a type of pay-as-you-go thing, you just go and buy a new card, and the Host brought the new card with him. It wasn’t kwayler after all, it had just expired. He went upstairs to insert the new card into the satellite box thing. I had decided not to waste this opportunity, as I had gradually been building a list of things that needed attending to – none worth summoning him for individually, but since he was here anyway, I could go through the list with him. First, I took him into J’s bedroom – we’d bought a mosquito net from Ikea some time ago, and a hook needed fixing in the ceiling to hold the net up. Next was a door on the top floor that I knew was the entrance to the loft – when our boxes arrive from England (if indeed they ever do) we will need somewhere to put them, and this loft would be ideal – but the door was locked and the key was missing. The final thing on my list was to get the piano tuned. This was the trickiest. I pressed a few keys, and then clutched my hands to my ears, making grimacing faces to indicate how awful it sounded. The Ayi and the host watched my performance with interest, but clearly had no idea what I meant. It was only when I lifted the top and pointed to the piano’s insides that the host clicked. It was while we were standing congratulating ourselves on this major achievement, that in a scene that reminded me of Life of Brian when the house is searched, the front door flew open and an army of workmen marched past me and trotted upstairs. Incredibly, they had come – literally 15 minutes after being summoned – to install the hook in J’s bedroom. I was very impressed, and some time later, with much handshaking and thanking and so on, the host left.
The next day, Thursday, he was back. This time he had come with a new wire for the satellite box.
The next day, Friday, he was back again. This time he came with the hostess, and unlocked the door to the loft. The hostess appeared to be concerned about the length of our to-do list, and insisted on phoning her son James, in AUSTRALIA, who speaks English as well as Chinese. This way, we could tell him if we had any more problems, and he could then translate these problems into Chinese for her. Unable to really think of anything important, S told James that sometimes the water level in the fish pond gets a little low, and he’s been keeping it topped up, but he was a bit concerned that there may be a small leak. S handed the phone back to the hostess, and we sat and waited while the pond was discussed in animated long-distance excitement. After 10 minutes or so, the hostess handed the phone back to S. James explained that the problem was only to be expected, as the plumbing in the bathroom and the kitchen are connected, so if a tap is turned on in the kitchen, it could make the shower run cold for a second. S, not wishing to make this misunderstanding any worse, told James to tell his mother that this was no problem whatsoever at all, he was happy with that, everything was fine. Luckily, this final exchange between James and his mother only took another 10 minutes, at 50p a minute.
The next day, Saturday, a man appeared to fix the boiler.
We have satellite television. I have no idea what channels there are, I didn’t watch television in England and I have no intention of starting to watch it now, but I know it isn’t Sky – we get some BBC World thing, and that’s about it. But – most important of all – the satellite does mean (somehow) we can get English football. Actually, football is very popular here; Premier League matches frequently appear on normal Chinese television. S has started a 5-a-side league for people at work – apparently, they’re incredibly keen, but as most of them are not particularly tall, heading the ball is traditionally not part of the game. Therefore, anyone over 6 feet tall (that’s just S and the Test Manager from Seattle) can just stand there and head the ball over the surprised defenders into the goal. Anyway, I digress. And so, when the satellite TV stopped working last Tuesday, I had to get in touch with the landlord. I say that, but of course communicating with people who don’t speak English is difficult enough, but on the phone it’s just about impossible – even more so when it’s someone you’ve never even met. So, I showed the satellite TV card to the Ayi, told her it was kwayler (broken), and showed her the Landlord’s name on the Lease agreement while pretending to hold a telephone. Simple.
The next day, Wednesday, the Host appeared. Apparently, satellite TV here is a type of pay-as-you-go thing, you just go and buy a new card, and the Host brought the new card with him. It wasn’t kwayler after all, it had just expired. He went upstairs to insert the new card into the satellite box thing. I had decided not to waste this opportunity, as I had gradually been building a list of things that needed attending to – none worth summoning him for individually, but since he was here anyway, I could go through the list with him. First, I took him into J’s bedroom – we’d bought a mosquito net from Ikea some time ago, and a hook needed fixing in the ceiling to hold the net up. Next was a door on the top floor that I knew was the entrance to the loft – when our boxes arrive from England (if indeed they ever do) we will need somewhere to put them, and this loft would be ideal – but the door was locked and the key was missing. The final thing on my list was to get the piano tuned. This was the trickiest. I pressed a few keys, and then clutched my hands to my ears, making grimacing faces to indicate how awful it sounded. The Ayi and the host watched my performance with interest, but clearly had no idea what I meant. It was only when I lifted the top and pointed to the piano’s insides that the host clicked. It was while we were standing congratulating ourselves on this major achievement, that in a scene that reminded me of Life of Brian when the house is searched, the front door flew open and an army of workmen marched past me and trotted upstairs. Incredibly, they had come – literally 15 minutes after being summoned – to install the hook in J’s bedroom. I was very impressed, and some time later, with much handshaking and thanking and so on, the host left.
The next day, Thursday, he was back. This time he had come with a new wire for the satellite box.
The next day, Friday, he was back again. This time he came with the hostess, and unlocked the door to the loft. The hostess appeared to be concerned about the length of our to-do list, and insisted on phoning her son James, in AUSTRALIA, who speaks English as well as Chinese. This way, we could tell him if we had any more problems, and he could then translate these problems into Chinese for her. Unable to really think of anything important, S told James that sometimes the water level in the fish pond gets a little low, and he’s been keeping it topped up, but he was a bit concerned that there may be a small leak. S handed the phone back to the hostess, and we sat and waited while the pond was discussed in animated long-distance excitement. After 10 minutes or so, the hostess handed the phone back to S. James explained that the problem was only to be expected, as the plumbing in the bathroom and the kitchen are connected, so if a tap is turned on in the kitchen, it could make the shower run cold for a second. S, not wishing to make this misunderstanding any worse, told James to tell his mother that this was no problem whatsoever at all, he was happy with that, everything was fine. Luckily, this final exchange between James and his mother only took another 10 minutes, at 50p a minute.
The next day, Saturday, a man appeared to fix the boiler.
posted by Linda at 10:41 PM
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